The International Language.

Love Language #1: Quality Time

Poor Norman. He just wanted some one-on-one. That’s what made him feel special. A private conversation with plenty of eye- contact. A little mutual bonding. Time spent together in pleasant activities- like taking a walk, sharing a bundt cake, playing a board game, taxidermy… Why not take some time for your favorite psycho this Valentine’s Day. A little quality time goes a long way.
Love Language # 2: Words of Affirmation

For Grima, a simple, “I love you.” would have really made his day. He needed a little verbal reassurance. Maybe a “thank you for folding the laundry, Grima,” or a “your hair looks especially wet today, Grima,” or a “You certainly have a knack for emotional-manipulation, Grima.” Don’t let another day pass you by. Take the opportunity to say what’s in your heart.

Love Language #3: Gifts
All Xerxes wanted was the world. He showed his affection through gift-giving. Some reciprocity would have been nice. Like a thoughtful card, or that new sweater he’s been eye-balling, maybe another golden-piercing, or countless subordinate minions. It isn’t the price tag, but the thought that counts. Be kind. Put some thought into the gifts you give.
Love Language #4: Physical Touch
Give him a Baby Ruth and he’s yours for a day. But what makes Sloth really feel loved is a hug, or a nice, wet lickery kiss, watching pirate movies cuddled up on the couch. Don’t be a goonie. Show your love a little physical affection.

Love Language #5: Acts of Service
The question isn’t what would Gollum do for his Precious, but what wouldn’t he do for his Precious. Suffer torture in the hands of cruel orcses? Take out the garbage? Hike across Middle Earth?  Dive into the fiery depths of Mt. Doom? Make a favorite dinner? Find ways to serve your Precious. When your love is truly giving it will come back to you ten-fold.