Habit # Deux: Begin with no end in mind. Unless your goals include eating your weight in Krispie Kremes, perfecting your Christopher Walken impersonation, or simply being kick-ass (which you know you already are), goal setting is lame. If you never set goals you’ll never feel bad about yourself when you inevitably fail to reach them.
Habit # tri: Prioritize. Who has time for self discipline anyway? Between FaceBook, Final Fantasy XI, Runescape, and World of Warcraft you’re lucky if you have time to eat and go to the bathroom.
Habit #Four: Think Me/Me. Life is too short to spend it considering other people and their problems. Especially those happy effective people who keep going off on how much they’ve learned through goal setting, prioritizing, and healthy relationships. Whatev. If you can’t find happiness after all the thousands of hours you’ve dedicated thinking only of yourself, then it obviously doesn’t exist.
Habit #fif: Seek only to be understood. You know as well as any suicidal songwriter that the key to satisfying relationships is one-sided communication. You’ve lived a full life of avoidance, indulgence, and delusion and you have a lot to say. Despite your best efforts at consistent self-centeredness life isn’t always a bed of roses. All you ask is for a sympathetic ear. But apparently that’s too much to ask. At least I think that’s what she said. I don’t know, I wasn’t really listening.
Habit #6: Romanticize. When logic fails to support the benefits of the habits you’ve formed, you can always rely on fantasy to fill in the gaps. And in fantasy land you can both talk to cats and develop difficult skills simply through your powers of concentration. 4+4=$pegasus. Regardless of your antisocial behavior, people love and want to be around you. If you add “Aneus” onto the end of anything it automatically becomes more magical. And you never have to leave the comfort of your own deuchebuggary.
Habit# last: Dull the Blade. At this point the last thing you want to do is meta cognate. The less you consider where you’re headed the more you’ll enjoy the downward spiral. Just keep doing whatever it is you do because you’re special. Very, very special.
amen! i think i may have a few of those habits! yeah me!!
Don’t we all. I only hope I spread on the sarcasm thickly enough.
you did a fine job
hahaha. laughed the whole way through. Great job depicting the majority of the population.
Thanks for making me smile today. You are one funny person!
Freakin’ genius, Di!
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I AM special, and can skate my way through life on my genius and good-looks… because Mom told me so.
Didn’t she tell you that, too?
lol. i don’t know what to say, but that someone was just telling an admin at work “don’t sign me up for 7 habits of highly effective people” (seriously!! its true!) i think he reads your blog post subconsciously.
Soo funny. . .I think those are the 7 habits of my highly-effective (albeit self-centered) 5 year old…oh wait…she is anything but inactive..so maybe just the 6 habits. But I think my mood when the weather turns cold creates a great desire for inactivity on my part so I cover the missing habit!
My word verification for the day: comeaphy….hee hee
I love it, Di! Although I think you should have titled it “7 Habits of Highly Ineffectiveaneus people, just to make it a little more magical.
Hey. Are you talking about your mother? Its not nice to talk about your mother, you know.
Wait. I’m sort of effective sometimes, so its not me.
OK
Very funny!!!