I have few simple requests in life. I like a sunny stroll now and again. I enjoy an occasional bubble bath. I love a fresh-baked donut in the morning. And I like having as little to do with human feces as possible. Friends, is it too much to ask? Apparently, yes if you are the proud mother of the most anal-retentive child on the planet. I will spare you the details of “the incident”. Suffice it to say at around eight-o-clock last night Brooklyn found herself trapped inside the bathroom- a poo lying menacingly between herself and the door.
Now don’t judge me too harshly. Since I have become a mother I have dealt with my share of nasty diapers, vomit, and various bodily fluids- most times with a great deal of grace and understanding. But once a child is of a certain age, the poo is in their court. That is my motto. A motto I never expected to have. But one I feel strongly about. Plus I think its in the Bible somewhere. Old Testament. So anyways, everyone in the family felt that Brook really ought to be the one to put said poo to rest in the toilet where it belonged, seeing as it was her fecal matter and all. She disagreed. She strongly disagreed. She swore in her wrath that she would not ever, ever, ever pick up the poo. I suggested if she planned on spending a great deal of time with the poo she ought to ask for its name. Andy asked her if her new friend was too good for its home. She didn’t laugh, or even crack a smile. I suppose it was hard to see the humor from her perspective, holed up as she was with the silently ominous poo.
After some soul-searching and a great many Clorox wipes, she did farewell the poo in a flush of triumph. And I believe that once she works through the emotional trauma of our questionable parenting techniques, that she will have learned some valuable lessons. Firstly, that she is ultimately responsible for dealing with her own crap (effective on so many levels). Secondly, in the midst of life’s most horrific moments Happy Gilmore references are still funny.
I just had to add that she did get lots of cuddles afterwards…after she washed her hands of course. Poor baby.
LOL!!! Oh, my! Poo certainly reins supreme in our family’s blog posts of late. But COME ON!!! Who doesn’t love a good poo post?
(WV: Euchet…Which, if pronounce in a quasi-French manner, is pronounced “You-shet.” As in, “Brooklyn, euchet on the bathroom floor and must make ammends.”
LOL! LOVE Andy’s comment, and the poem. Will never forget this post.
Such a thing couldn’t have happened to a more clean-freak child.
Love ya, Brookie.
Poor Brooklyn…but welcome to life – we all clean up our own messes – GOOD JOB MOM! (Di)
Wayne, did you just call Diana’s kid a freak?
Too, too funny! I have all these images of Hanky the Christmas Poo dancing in my head. They aren’t pretty.
I’ll bet Brooklyn all but emptied her bottle of hand sanitizer after this experience. Oh, I’ll be laughing all day over this one!
I laughed so hard that Sanders asked, “What is wrong with you?”. I read the post aloud and we both enjoyed it together! It reminds me a bit of Brooke’s “poo” torpedo on the way to South Dakota…..HA HA HA!!!!!
Shana – And if I did?
OUR kids are TOTAL freaks. Once again, ’tis genetic.
Di would readily admit that she, herself, is somewhat fuh-reaky.
Back me up here, Diana 😉
Thank you for letting me know that not having kids right now is okay. I get so darn baby hungry then hear a great story like this, and think, “yeah, it’s okay, go ahead Lord, take your time”. Thanks! Oh the laughs!
i’d say that’s good parenting. i agree with dealing with your own crap is easier than dealing with someone else’s.
That is so funny! I was laughing so hard when I read that. I would have loved to bere there to see it in person!
Ewwww…I have very similar rules at our house. I hate poo, especially someone elses….
Is that the explanation for your mysterious disappearances into the bathroom as a child, Ang? You just sat in there lamenting “To poo or not to poo?”
Shana, DOOON’T
Don’t you know to NEVER provoke AngPang to wrath!
I guess I should post about poo more often 🙂 Yes Wayne, I am the first to admit that me and my offspring tend to be a bit…you know. Oh, and don’t EVER provoke Angie. She may look harmless but she is not.
hmm…. way to do Di and Andy on laying down the law. I gotta ask… how did the poo end up on the floor in the first place?
my daughter pooed in the tub last week it was disgusting my first taste of that of course… yuck! She had the chicken pox so I didn’t be to harsh with her… but wow! crazy kids!
AngPang will chew you up and spit you out like a female Chuck Norris!
Extremely hilarious, di!!
Poor little Brookie, she’s such a character!
Love you all so ooo oo much!