I know what you’re thinking, “But Diana, aren’t Zombies just fictional monsters found in such hilarious films as “Night of the Living Dead”?” No, my naive back-talking friend, they are real. I know because I saw one in the RC Willey parking- lot just off Redwood Road not a fortnight ago.
Every so often Andy and I like to pretend like we have the money to afford new pieces of furniture. We go a-looking, find that everything is unreasonably expensive and instead splurge on gas-station doughnuts. It was on one such occasion, while waiting for an opportunity to pull out of the RC Willey parking lot, that we spotted him- a real zombie. His blue hood was pulled completely over his eyes, but exposed his gaping mouth. His legs- stiff from being dead so long, his arms held out limply in front of him as he staggered towards our stagnate vehicle. I pointed him out to Andy, who was equally concerned at the rate at which he was approaching my passenger- side window, hankering for brains. The moment before he hit our car, Andy put our car in reverse. This sudden movement served to disorient the zombie momentarily. We watched in stunned silence as he reared his hooded head and let out an fevered moan of disappointment the likes of which I will never forget, and then continued down the sidewalk in his rambling zombie way. It was a narrow miss, and I am pleased not to have joined the hellish army of the living dead. Still, some part of me wished the little fella luck in his never-ending pursuit for juicy brains.
Those silly Utards. Always trying to be like Californians.
I see at least one zombie every day, gay zombies, but zombies nontheless.
How do I know they’re gay, you ask? Well, they’re very fashion-forward, and artsy-fartsy, and Kelly dated a few of them in high school…
This is a private blog, right Di?
Fortunately yes. Gay Zombies you say? You know how you can tell? Just play some “Thriller” and see what happens.
Sorry, I don’t mean to stereotype all zombies that swing that way…
Some are very masculine you know.
Some listen to Limp Bizkit.
Its that Fred Durst.
He’s got a pretty metro soul patch under his lip.
BTW, tell me your story isn’t true. It didn’t shock me (that’s how de-sensitized I’ve become) and it probably should have.
Did the gay zombies make those fabulous cookies? They are simply divine!
LOL. Yes, its a mostly true story. Only Andy and I weren’t scared, we were laughing actually. Oh and the hooded dude probably wasn’t REALLY a Zombie. He was most likely high or handicapped. Or both.
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LOL! Annalisa Holgerson!!! I was thisclose to leaving that comment on here I was so proud. 😀
I want to know what Anna said!!!! E-mail it to me Di…
Di, That is bizzare!! You and Andy have some wierd experiences. I’m glad he was with you! What did the girls think? YOur writing is so good! Keep it up.
Oh, and I also want to know what Anna said! Anna?
I’m glad you got a good laugh Di. Sorry, you’d think less of me for writing something far too funny and so I’d already told Di to delete. Inside joke, I guess.
I’ll never tell…
Hey!! It was only two and I didn’t know they were gay at the time!! (Maybe they WEREN’T gay at the time…I’m going to bed.)