Anticipating Free Time.

There are times in my life when I write. And there are times in my life when I read. If I had my way I would spend most of my life doing one or the other. If I had it my way I’m sure I would be quite miserable. But I digress. My point is I never have enough time to do either as much as I would like, and never enough time to do both. There is the laundry and the dishes and the innumerable mundane errands that take up so much of my time. When I stop to think of how I spend my time I am frustrated by the over sized bite responsibility helps itself to. But there is no way around it. Believe me, I’ve walked from corner to corner. I have tried scaling it with makeshift ladders. I’ve tried hurdling it with unfortunate results. There is no way to have a good life and avoid responsibility. Its like Chris Farley and David Spade: Together they work, but separate them and bad things happen. If I make happiness a priority in my life (and I do) then by necessity I have to sacrifice some of the things I like to do.

For now anyway.

Maybe someday I will have time to read and write till my heart’s content. Someday when I no longer have to pick up be-flowered panties off the stairs every morning. Someday when I don’t have to supervise Cambria’s every move. Someday when Brooklyn is willing to complete her homework without me sitting nearby, or when Avery is no longer opposed to entertaining herself. But the terrible irony is: Someday when I have time to myself to pursue whatever endeavors I currently covet, I will probably be so depressed by the lack of be-flowered panties dirtying the house, by the lack of fingerprints (and face-prints) on the windows, by the quiet of no longer being required that I’ll end up writing desperately sad children’s books about growing up. Like that horrid “I’ll Love You Forever” book. Or I’ll be a photographer that takes incredibly lonely looking black and white cityscapes. Or a painter who paints the same still-life over and over in different colors. I’m getting depressed just thinking about it.

In summary, YES I am often caught up in the busyness of being a mother. YES I have to put off things I would like to do sometimes. But OH I love my life right now. Face-prints in particular.